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Top 10 Most Confusing Pokemon Bodies

#1
Okay, so the title stinks, but I can rely on you guys to help me come up with something better. After promising bobandbill I would come up with something, I have an idea.

As I play some of the pokemon games, I can't help but wonder how some of these pokemon even function. Like, it would be completely impossible for some of them to do absolutely anything. What about a list containing some of the worst offenders?

I'm thinking of pokemon like Muk, Gulpin, Glalie (how on Earth does it float?), Sharpedo, Dugtrio, Electrode, Shroomish, Lunatone/Solrock, Spiritomb, Charizard (keeping that flame lit), Escavalier, Cryogonal, and Klefki all come to my mind first.

What do you guys think?
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#2
Top Ten Implausible Pokemon Bodies? Maybe Designs?

One thing to note is to not let it overlap with the Most Physics Breaking article An-chan made. But I don't think that'd be particularly hard to avoid, and am fine with the idea.

Not having any ideas for Pokemon beyond those besides the likes of Hitmonlee and Poliwhirl - how does it eat, osmosis?
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#3
Fun idea! It can bring out a lot of discussion. I can't really think of others that haven't already been mentioned, but I can already imagine how interesting and hilarious the write-ups for them are going to be.

As for the title, maybe replace "Bodies" with "Anatomies"? It better conveys what the article is about imo.
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#4
I like this idea a lot, too! Definitely agree with Dramatic Melody that "Anatomies" (or something like "Top 10 Pokémon with Confusing Anatomy" or something?) might be better, since it seems more accurate to what you're going for. I would leave ghosts out of it, though, since they always have a hand-waivy explanation for the plausibility of their anatomy, being essentially spirits. Like, take Shedinja for instance - it's absolutely motionless forever, so it wouldn't be able to eat or really do anything, but since it's a ghost, it kinda makes sense, not to mention it wouldn't even have to eat since it's basically dead anyway. If that makes sense?

I'm definitely looking forward to what you might have to say on Pokémon like Sharpedo and Klefki and so on. Also, how about the Klink and Vannilite lines? That's some grade A confusing anatomy right there, if you ask me.
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#5
Alright, so i wrote it out and attempted to edit it, but I'm concerned that the entries are a little on the short side, so any help with that will be appreciated.

Top Ten Implausible Pokemon Anatomies

Have you ever thought about how pokemon live? Not just in everyday things, but really consider just how on Earth some of these things even survive? Gamefreak have introduced some really weird pokemon in these six generations. From pokemon who would have to be babied until they evolve, to some whose bodies wouldn’t even be able to fit all of the organs, we’re going to be taking a look at some pokemon that don’t make sense. For this list, I’m leaving out ghost pokemon, and spirits, as they’re a little harder to critique, considering that some of them don’t even have bodies at all. Also, mechanical steel types won’t be making an appearance either, as they’re just… no. Just remember that this is mainly my opinion, and individual lists may vary.

10. Dragonite
A brief glance at Dragonite, and nothing really looks out of place. Sure, it may pack way more of a punch than its lovable appearance leads you to believe, but that wouldn’t land it on this list. Everything seems to be there, and it all makes sense, so why is it here? Well, just wait until you see this dragon fly into the air. Those wings have to be the smallest wings I have ever seen in relation to any pokemon’s size. There is no way it’s lifting that body off of the ground. I don’t mean to call Dragonite fat, but it’s going to need a lot of thrust. Way more than those wings can provide. Not only is it supposed to fly, but it’s also supposed to be able to soar at very high speeds and glide with ease. I’m sorry, but no. Dragonite isn’t a flying type.

9. Escavalier
Next we have this… thing. It kind of looks like a snail, it appears to be very heavy, and it’s floating. A wonderful combination of physics and biology if I’ve ever seen one. I mean, if we can have aircrafts weighing several tons flying through the sky, then why not this guy? Except, Escavalier isn’t flying, it’s hovering. That in itself isn’t bad, but I don’t see any propellers. Maybe it’s magnetism. Yeah, that sounds reasonable. But then, I don’t think it should be able to fly several feet into the air, or float above the surface of a pond. Does the resulting magnetism ruin your electronics if one happens to fly over you? Well, there are plenty of gases that are lighter than air, but I doubt that they would be able to lift the steel shells that cover this guy. Yikes, I’m getting a headache. I don’t think I can think about this anymore.

8. Shroomish
This one isn’t so much impossible, as just improbable. I feel really sorry for the Breloom parents, because they are going to have to baby these guys until they evolve. Every time one of these guys trip, it’s the parents that have to put them back on their feet. Good luck picking up that apple for lunch, because these little guys have no arms whatsoever. I suppose that they could just lean over and eat the apple straight off of the ground, but that mouth is positioned way too high for that to be a reasonable solution. All that mouth is good for is crying to its parents to come over and help. I don’t know how long it takes for pokemon to evolve, but however long that is, I can’t stop thinking about those poor Breloom. These little Shroomish better train up quickly, because in the wild, it’s going to be hard to survive without those limbs.

7. Glalie
Oh joy, a floating cat head made out of ice, lovely. Where do I start? In addition to all of the problems with floating pokemon I covered with the flying snail of death, I question how this guy can stay level. When your body is that circular, I would imagine staying balanced is going to be a very big struggle. Of course, not as big of a struggle as staying warm with absolutely no fur, feathers, or insulation of any kind. Living in a cold environment, your main objective is to keep your internal body temperature up. It helps keep everything working properly, and helps keep the fluid inside from freezing into solid ice. Glalie, on the other hand, doesn’t have any of this great stuff. Instead, its excuse is that it’s an ice type, so it doesn’t need to be kept warm. That’s fine and dandy, but what’s keeping its eyes from freezing in place, or the mouth from being frozen shut? It’s just not possible.

6. Gulpin
The pokemon with the mouth as big as its body. In contrast, this guy must have the smallest organs of any pokemon, because there’s no way they would all fit inside that body. Gulpin are supposed to have monstrous appetites, but where does all of that food go? Maybe they have really strong digestive juices located in their mouth, so anything that goes inside must be dissolved quickly. Except, anything that would have to be that strong would just dissolve the pokemon itself. A plausible explanation would just be that the mouth can only open when the stomach is empty, and the rest of the organs must be collapsible, but if you ever see the amount these things supposedly eat, there’s no way in the world that’s possible. A group of these guys can ravage an entire town in just a few hours, and still be hungry afterwards. I might believe that if they were as big as a Snorlax, but when these guys are the size of house cats, it’s not a possibility.

5. Dugtrio
I’m just going to say it. How do these guys dig? They’re supposed to be incredibly fast diggers, some of the fastest in the pokemon universe, but nothing in their anatomy suggests that. It’s probably the part underground that enables the fast digging, but the way these guys pop up out of the ground head first suggest that the rest of their body is simply dragging along behind them as they’re tunneling. The part that really gets me is when they move forward with their heads still popping out of the ground, like their necks are stronger than the rock that they’re breaking through. The biggest thing I wonder about is what the other half of their body looks like. It might as well be a magic wand, because the way they dig just doesn’t make sense.

4. Sharpedo
These guys must be some of the slowest fish to swim the seas. I don’t care what their speed stat is, just look at that anatomy. Most fish have long, slender bodies that they can twist to push against the water and propel them forward. All these guys have are four fins that don’t really look that helpful in the first place. The only way this could possibly work is if the pokemon is constantly pumping water into one part of its body, and shooting it out the other, using the fins to steer as it propels itself forward. It’s something that squids do in our universe, so it’s not impossible, but there’s nothing in the anatomy of Sharpedo that would suggest it’s capable of doing that. It could use one of its moves to navigate, but there’s only so many times you can use Aqua Jet before having to go back to Nurse Joy to recharge. I feel sorry for the Sharpedo that stopped drifting a few feet outside of the underwater pokemon center that must be there, and got carried away by the current. So close, yet so far.

3. Hitmonlee
Ah, photosynthesis, isn’t it great? It provides plants with the energy to turn carbon dioxide into oxygen, giving us the ability to breathe and thrive. It’s pretty fascinating how it all works together, and I would recommend paying attention next time you’re spacing out in Biology. Hitmonlee must appreciate it too, because there’s no other way it could possibly get food. Poliwhirl could fit here as well, but it at least has the option of filter feeding, or something of that nature. Hitmonlee, on the other hand, doesn’t have that luxury. It’s not a grass type, so I wouldn’t think the pokemon would take advantage of sunlight. With all of the kicks this guy is throwing out, Hitmonlee would need a lot of energy to be able to keep up with all of the calories, and I’m just not seeing where it’s coming from.

2. Charizard
Now it’s time for me to explain how taking care of Charizard would be one of the most painful things in existence. Charizard apparently dies if the fire on its tail goes out. That means anything that could put out a fire is now capable of taking this pokemon down forever. Any brawl involving a water or rock type attack is now a fight for Charizard’s life, as one misplaced bubble could spell disaster. I don’t even want to think about taking Charizard out in a rain storm. Bonus points if you lose the pokeball as well. Taking care of this pokemon would be something only the most dedicated trainer could do, and I’ll happily take my Venusaur every time.

1. Muk
Goo monsters are always a bit out there when it comes to feasibility, so it’s nothing out of the ordinary when Muk appears on this list. Honestly, I originally put this purple blob down at number eight, but then I started thinking why it would be implausible for this pokemon to exist. When Muk battles, it often relies on its goopy body to absorb most of the impacts, and render any sort of strength useless. However, let’s really think about Muk’s anatomy. Unlike Hitmonlee, this pokemon has a mouth, so we have to assume that this pokemon has lungs, a stomach, a digestive track, and everything else that involves breathing and eating. Muk also has eyes, so a brain is also a necessity. When Muk envelopes their enemies in these sticky puddles, where to these organs go? How does the puddle stay together? What’s preventing the body from simply dissolving in any sort of liquid? There’s absolutely no explanation how these pokemon would ever survive, simply because it’s impossible. Plus, if Muk ever envelopes you, there’s a possibility of your hand sinking in, and you brushing up against its stomach, or something, and that’s just plain gross to think about. So I’m just not going to think about it, ever. In fact, I’m never going to think about any of these entries again, because there just isn’t really an answer.
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#6
It may be useful to include a picture of each Pokemon by the titles, just to remind people what the Pokemon look like. A few paragraphs could be split up as well to allow for easier reading, especially the last entry.

Some initial comments:
Quote:Also, mechanical steel types won’t be making an appearance either, as they’re just… no.
I feel this sentence could use rewording. 'just... no' isn't a very satisfying explanation.
Quote:Just remember that this is mainly my opinion, and individual lists may vary.
Same for this - can be a bit more formal and/or encourage people to read on. E.g. 'Read on to see what I feel are the weirdest Pokemon and if you agree with those!'

Dragonite – could always sneak in a joke about it being ‘fatter than Barney the Dinosaur’.
Quote: Not only is it supposed to fly, but it’s also supposed to be able to soar at very high speeds and glide with ease.
If there’s a reference to a dex entry there, maybe use quotation marks around that?

Shroomish – unsure because as it’s a plant, it could maybe just gain any nutrients it requires from the sun? If you’re keeping it there worth mentioning that you can find some with the likes of Drain Punch via the DexNav... despite those tiny arms. But I’m not so sure about this design being too improbably because of the food aspect.
Quote:Oh joy, a floating cat head made out of ice, lovely.
Never thought it was a cat, more like an ice hockey mask.

I'm also iffy about the Dugtrio one. They are mole Pokemon, so I think it’s not at all much of a stretch that below their heads are claws, and that’s backed up by their movepool (Slash, Shadow Claw, etc). That said, the fact you can’t see them is interesting, I’m just unsure on if that’s enough for a top ten position, or at least being that high up.

Awkward zombie comic reference is possible with Muk: http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f278/k...167871.png

Good start with this, will see what others thing about Pokemon choices first.
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#7
The intro seems pretty good, though you could expand it with a couple of examples - like, say, getting sustenance without a mouth, and so on. Right now the intro is a little bit vague on just what the list is going to go over, so expanding on it a little might be helpful.

That said, I do think the list is currently suffering from a slight lack of direction. Most of the entries ARE about weird anatomy, but then you've got some that seem to be more about physics-breaking, like the entry on Dragonite. Basically, it's not that its body is impossible, but rather it's impossible for it to do what the dex entries and moves say it does. That's not entirely within the scope of what you're trying to cover here, I feel. Same with the way the Charizard entry is worded. You should probably cover it more as a "what is the Pokémon supplying to the tail to make it stay on fire? is it filled with gasoline?" kind of thing, rather than the outward consequences of all that. Basically, if you want to cover anatomy, or the weird workings of weird Pokémon bodies, you should make sure to confine it to the internal stuff as well as you can.

I think some of the entries could do with a bit more speculation, also, like with the one on Hitmonlee. How DOES it feed itself? Does it absorb food through its skin? Does it have a hidden mouth somewhere? Does it sustain itself on the sheer joy of kicking? What you've got already is a really good start, but after reading the entries, I was left wanting a bit more speculation on possible solutions, or some other kind of fleshing out. They're a bit short, as is, like you said. If you need more ideas on that, I can try to shoot some your way!

Meanwhile, I don't agree with bnb on the Dugtrio issue. Even if they do have claws in there somewhere, they do, like you said, pop out of the ground head-first, and are often seen digging horizontally in their normal orientation in the anime. You should probably cover the possibility of claws being a thing, but still, those things are weird.

All in all, though, like I said, very good start. The general order seems pretty good to me, though I'd replace Dragonite with something else - just personal preference. If you can get the entries fleshed out a bit, and we can slap in some pictures in there, it should turn out really good.
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#8
Alright, I'll start editing through it soon. This week has been pretty busy at work, and my roommate and I are moving into a new apartment at the end of the month, so this isn't exactly at the top of my to do list. Don't worry, I should have it done before too long.
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#9
A few random comments here and there:

> I 300% agree with how Breloom parents are the unluckiest with Shroomish babies. Their anatomies are just so against them in so many ways.

> You could mention how Glalie becomes even more ridiculous with its Mega Evolution. I mean, that big open mouth isn't doing it any favors. IMO Glalie deserves a higher position because of how ridiculous its concept is [and that's taking into account that Gamefreak did kinda the same thing with Cryogonal, but a cat face/hockey mask is much weirder than a snowflake].

> Gulpin's entry actually makes it sound like Pac-Man =)) Could make for some funny comparisons.

> Agreeing with bobandbill that pictures will really help this, especially with the Sharpedo one. I'd like to see how a normal fish's fins compares to a Sharpedo's ones and why the latter is far from the ideal that is the former.

> Agreeing with what An-Chan said about Charizard's entry - It doesn't seem like it's pointing out the weirdness of its anatomy as much as it's ranting about how hard it is to take care of one realistically, which somewhat throws the reader off when it's so high up the list.

> The last sentence of the Muk entry could be separated and expanded on to make for a funny conclusion.

> The list seems pretty solid, and the idea already really shines through with what you've put out so far. I can't wait for the revision. :)
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