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(Article Submission) A Day in the Life of a Team Rocket Member

#1
Hello, loyal readers of Wynaut?! So, I was searching the mighty Sinnoh region for some treasure, and I found something much, much better. Some diary entries from my heroes, Team Rocket! It's only a day's worth, but it was an amazing find nonetheless! I've posted the diary entries below... enjoy!

Dear Diary,
Today started out pretty much the same as they usually do. Meowth and Jess were sleeping in, while I wanted to get up and going, doing something productive like finding food or stealing some Pokemon! Jess smacked me and Meowth did nothing as usual... as much those two brutes annoy me, they're the best friends I have ever had or will have. Enough of that, though! Carnivine thought he needed a snack, so I watered him with my trusty Squirtle Watering Can! Of course, he had a different idea. He always messes up my magnificent hair! How I love that beautiful grass type... he reminds me of Victreebel and Cacnea...

[Image: type02.jpg]
It's... it's magnificent!

Dear Diary,
Today, I woke up in a good enough mood. My hair was just as fabulous and beautiful as always, and I had gotten a nice amount of sleep last night. However, James was up early, moaning and whining about something or other, perhaps bottlecaps or something... I wasn't paying much attention. Ah, someday, we'll be rich and famous, and I spent the first few hours of the day pursuing this! Seviper, Yanmega and I practiced our Contest moves, and we're making serious progress! I love Yanmega and Seviper so much... oftentimes, I think of Arbok and Dustox, and wonder what it would be like if they were still here, but I know they're both in better places.


Dear Diary,
After breakfast (we found some delightful grapefruit skin candy!), we set out, searching for some work. We stumbled upon the twerps! I know we always call them twerps, and I certainly agree about Ash and Dawn, but that Brock... what a nice hunk of a man! I wouldn't dare tell Jessie or Meowth I feel that way about a twerp, though. As we watched the twerps, hidden from sight, Meowth and I discussed how we were going to catch their Pikachu, and, they were accompanied by a strange woman. She had a Flygon! Meowth launched into yet another of his motivational fantasies about the boss.


Dear Diary,
Just imagine what da boss will do when we give him dat fabulous Flygon! Imagine dis: Da boss is in bed. He's just gotten up, and he's still very tired! But den, da fabulous and bee-a-yootiful Flygon comes trough da window! Da shock of seein' such a fantabulous creature causes da boss to wake up fully, just like dat. And on da back of his new mahvelous pet, da boss will say: "Because of d'ere amazing gift in da form of dis Flygon, Meowth and his friends are invaluable parts of Team Rocket, and will surely receive a promotion!"


Dear Diary,
After Meowth went through the usual routine, mooning over the boss as he always does, that blubbering idiot Wobbuffet broke out of his PokeBall! He screamed his own name with that sickening happiness of his... ech, how disturbing! As a way of disciplining my Pokemon, I gently tapped him and returned him to his Pokeball.

Dear Diary,

Jessie treats poor Wobbuffet very poorly. He merely pops out of his PokeBall every now and then, and when he did this time, she barbarically smacked him! What a brute! I would never do that to my little Mime Jr, and I never would have done it to my lovely little Chimeco! Anyways, after finding the twerps, we spent a lot of time building the perfect machine to snatch that fabulous Flygon and that pesky Pikachu! This time, it's double trouble guaranteed to work! Eeeee! I'm so excited!

Dear Diary,

Listen, is that a voice I hear?
It's speaking to me, loud and clear!
On the wind!
Past the stars!
In yer ear!
Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!
Dashing hope, putting fear in its place!
A rose by any other name's just as sweet!
When everything's worse, our work is complete!
Jessie!
And James!
Meowth, dat's a name!
Putting the do-gooders in their place!
We're Team Rocket!
In your face!
WOBBUFFET!
MIME MIME!

Dear Diary,
Using our nefariously nasty Flygon nabbing machine, we made off with that pesky Pikachu and Flygon! We flew off in our Meowth balloon, triumphant for once! Now we just need to get back to headquarters and give the boss this fabulous gift! Oh, hang on, it seems the twerps are there, watching us fly away! Hah! I think I'll enjoy a laugh at their stupidity!

Dear Diary,
Uch! That twerp sent his Staraptor to tear our Meowth balloon up with a Wing Attack! We landed safely, but Flygon and Pikachu's cage was destroyed! Somehow, they both completely avoided any type of harm... the nerve of some Pokemon! I sent out Carnivine and Jessie sent out Seviper as we faced the twerps. Unfortunately, that Flygon knocked out both my beautiful Carnivine and Seviper with one Earthquake! Then, that Pikachu had that look in its eye...


Dear Diary,
LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAIN!

...

WOBBUFFET!

[Image: twinkle+in+the+sky.jpg]
Uch, not this again!
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#2
Hmm... I'm having a lot of trouble coming up with some critique for this for some reason. Maybe it's the way it was written or something. Anyway, after some thought I have a couple:

I feel like this could be a very funny article, but I feel its missing that certain charm that really makes it pop. Maybe instead of a list style, you could switch it over to more of an interview style? It would allow more details and I get the sense that you were struggling to fill in the entire day. An interview would allow you to skip over the more boring parts of the day and elaborate on the funnier parts. Just a thought.
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#3
In general, I think that this in its current form needs some more fleshing out. A lot of the entries are only a short sentence long and don't really give much of a feel for what it is really like to be a TR grunt (or rather Jessie and James given that TR grunts from the games would have different roles to feel... so maybe a rename of the article should be considered to reflect that?).

Slayr's suggestion could be extended - rather than a short piece for a specific minute, maybe consider it more like a diary style. Paragraph entries for each event. A different POV (point of view) might help too - rather than from a third person narrator documenting it as if the two were writing it might allow more 'charm'.

The intro probably could be changed too - no need to say that you are ___ and here is another article on teams, it can come off as a bit too self promoting, so to speak.
Quote:8:30 AM: Water any grass type Pokémon with your trusty Squirtle Watering Can *tm
Probably will need to go with the proper formatting for TM, although I don't think you can do superscript on the forums. (Maybe I ought to look into that).
[Image: suisdbsf.png]
By TwilightBlade of PC. =D
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#4
Alright, I changed the intro, and I'm not sure how to go about the trademark symbol. I'll definitely reformat the article, and I'll see if I can think of some sort of different title. bnb, what do you mean by "a third person narrator documenting it as if the two were writing it"? Wouldn't it just work to have it literally like a diary, maybe alternating between Jessie and James?
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#5
Sorry, was distracted (at uni!). That's what I meant - instead of the way you originally did (Celebrate, Steal Poke, Sleep on ground), a diary from their perspective (I celebrated/We stole the poke via ___/Oh well, another night on the ground for us).
[Image: suisdbsf.png]
By TwilightBlade of PC. =D
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#6
Bumping this to get more active and because I found out how looks like. It looks like . Please copy-paste.
(still waiting for diary format tho)
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#7
OMNEG!!! Hoenn, you da man. I seriously thought I was gonna have to remove the trademark symbol, and I find it extremely funny. Also thanks for bringing this back to my attention, I hadn't really thought of it for a while (Absolutely nothing to do with Wind Waker HD, Skyward Sword, and Oracle of Ages... nothing at all.)
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#8
I'll have to say the article seems to look a lot more promising suddenly. The new format works well, though can we have one from Meowth's diary too? Or will that be too long? (Just don't discriminate him simply because he's a Pokémon!)

Can't wait for the draft to finish.
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#9
Okay, I have a few concerns about this. I don't know if you're concerned about this, but it isn't up to date with the anime. Right now, it's as if they were still going through the Sinnoh region. However, if you choose to leave it be, I feel like you could get away with this because, in my opinion, the Sinnoh region was the last place they actually had some personality. In Unova I felt like the trio became very bland and dry, so I could see why you would want to keep it as is.

I felt like Jame's entry was a little dry. I thought it didn't fit his character as well as it could have. I thought the squirtle water bottle was funny, but I'm afraid that was pretty much it. With the early fight, I felt like you were trying too hard to set the scene and trying to make it funny at the same time. I tried to read the entry in Jame's voice, but I couldn't.

However, Jessie's entry was quite enjoyable. I had no problem reading the entry in her voice and I thought a lot of what she wrote was characteristic. It flowed easily, and I have no serious concerns with this.

That's all I have right now as I'm at college right now and don't have a lot of time. I hope I helped!
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#10
Yeah, I hated Unova just because of what they did to TR, so that's why it's in Sinnoh. I'll do some retouching to James' part, and I'll try to finish it soon.
Hoenn, I'm not sure about doing Meowth. I love him too, but it would make it very lengthy, and I just don't have as much of a feel for Meowth, you know? Like I don't get his character as much as Jessie and James... I feel like I wouldn't do a good job.
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#11
Sorry for the double post! But I made an update. I tried to change the James entry, and I wrote two more. One is Meowth's Giovanni fantasy, as I thought that would be a good way to include him. The trainer with the twerps is just a COTD I invented with my favourite Pokemon. And, uh, in James' entry, there's a joke in there... well, you'll see.
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#12
Well... the joke was, erm... interesting to say the least. I'm not sure if it will fit with the child friendly atmosphere we try to go for. I would wait until others deliberate to make a final decision, but I wouldn't include it. While we're still talking about Jame's entry, I thought it was a lot better. I read it in Jame's voice and it was more enjoyable.

I especially liked Meowth's entry and how you worded everything to match his unique way of talking.

Quote:(we found some delightful grapefruit skin candy!)
Remember, there aren't any of our fruits on the pokemon world, except for random apple trees in the anime that they just call berries, but you know what I mean. I would change grapefruit with some sort of pokemon berry.
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#13
Quote:I sure wouldn't mind feeling his "Steelix!"

Yeah, that joke is a bit inappropriate for the younger crowd.

Quote:Meowth launched into yet another of his silly Giovanni fantasies.

I don't think I remember James calling the boss by his first name (he usually just calls him "Boss" from the episodes I watched), but then again I haven't watched too much Diamond and Pearl.

Otherwise overall I like the entries. I too thought you did Meowth well.
[Image: skyandbalincopy.png]
“Now my friends, I think this calls for a toast. We’re embarking on something truly great here. Be prepared for what’s coming.”

[Avatar found image at LJ] [The Black Cat's Stains: My gallery] [The Ruin Maniac: My ASB-Neo Trainer Profile]
[Nothing, Everything and Heart of the Sea (coming soon): My stories]
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#14
Ahaha James is gay I wish we could do a conspiracy theory on the subject but... *sigh*, Bay Alexison is right about the younger crowd thing. The sentence is pretty punny, though- *clamps mouth down*.

Quote: Da boss in is bed.

In instances like this, I would recommend "in 'is bed" rather than "in is bed" to show that there's an omitted letter due to accent. Or else it might seem as bad grammar, considering "is" is a standoff word by itself.

Quote:Meowth launched into yet another of his silly Giovanni fantasies.
I wouldn't say silly, James and Jessie are shown to become really motivated after one of Meowth's "Da bosh" speeches. Probably "sensible" adds up here?

I like the new "diary order" system, maybe you can continue something like this until the end of the article? I predict the article will have to become long to have its full effect.

Could you, also, add a note on the top of the article stating that since Meowth obviously cannot write, his words have been roughly recorded, so do not be surprised upon the encounter of spelling mistakes and bad grammar on his entries? That would explain why he writes "da" instead of "the" and we cannot make is diary entries in perfect grammar because that's wasting good humour.
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#15
Quote: Could you, also, add a note on the top of the article stating that since Meowth obviously cannot write, his words have been roughly recorded, so do not be surprised upon the encounter of spelling mistakes and bad grammar on his entries? That would explain why he writes "da" instead of "the" and we cannot make is diary entries in perfect grammar because that's wasting good humour.
I somewhat disagree with this, actually. I imagine a lot of people who are fans, especially those reading the article in the first place, would know of the anime and hence of TR (they are in most episodes, after all). That, and his accent is not unclear in the writing too, so a warning like this won't help many people and might just seem needless to the others.

Quote:I wouldn't say silly, James and Jessie are shown to become really motivated after one of Meowth's "Da bosh" speeches. Probably "sensible" adds up here?
Perhaps 'motivational'/inspirational?

I agree on the point about taking out that line too - maybe good in say a fic, but here we better be consistent and keep things clean and safe. =p As for the grapefruit comment - try Grepa berry, it's the direct Pokemon version of a grapefruit.

Good start so far!
[Image: suisdbsf.png]
By TwilightBlade of PC. =D
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#16
@ Slayr and bnb
As shown here by my favourite website, in episode 91, Ash's Snorlax eats an entire island full of grapefruit, and James mentions having eaten grapefruit skin candy as a child. Lawyered!

@Hoenn
I actually meant to put "is in bed"... mistake on my part. Plus, Meowth does have a Brooklyn accent, so that's what I was going for.

@Everyone
Awww.... I'll take the joke out, I guess.... :'(
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#17
Hmm... I see your point. Okay, I guess I'll allow it, if I have to. :P
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#18
I added a couple more entries, and made a few edits, like a few grammar and speling errors, and I changed the fantasies from silly to motivational.
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#19
That second Jessie entry could be a tad longer. It just felt too short. I chuckled at the "gently tapped" part.

James entry was good, no problem there. This goes for the motto as well. It adds some length, but at long as it doesn't appear several times you should be good.
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#20
So now that you've got the ending skimmed up, you can go back there and detail it. It's a good plan, I suppose you can write some stuff on the diary on how the "twerps" managed to thwart them and their views on the Pokémon fight which they had, and of course, the trademark "Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!"

(maybe James can write the twerps catching up to them somehow and thwarting their plans?)

And
Quote:LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAIN! WOBBUFFET!

May be changed into:

Quote:LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAIN!

...

WOBBUFFET!

You know, as a small staller to give Wobbuffet the ending words.
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