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Mountains Are My Thing

#61
> Teachy TV. Magnets. Go. Do it. Now.

> Hide. Find doors. Barricade them with magnets! (Or just other heavy things that you may/may not find lying around)

> For the love of god getoutofthedark. Darknessisscary. Darkness comes with ZUBATS *gasp*.
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey

If this sentence is blue, then you are moving too quickly towards your screen. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP.
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#62
Show ContentSpoiler:
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Inventor of the Shoop smiley
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#63
> BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE, EVER: Check another of the Teachy TV's options. Maybe they're all spooky/creepy!

> Attempt to assemble armour out of what's left over after destroying the Teachy TV.
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey

If this sentence is blue, then you are moving too quickly towards your screen. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP.
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#64
> Condense as many actions in the queue into one action as possible.
> Multitask.
Δ
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#65
--> Condense as many actions in the queue into one action as possible.

-> Multitask.


The Narrator Wrote:Red is now multitasking.
Red can now contemplate things and move at the same time.



> BECOME THE (DAPPER) BATMAN. BE THE HERO KANTO NEEDS.

> Screw being Batman, adopt the attire of a butler and channel Alfred. DAPPERMAN AWAAAAAAAAAAY.

> Be the hero Kanto deserves :O


The Narrator Wrote:You don't know who Batman is! Do you mean Crobatman?

You think about the PokéDex entry for Golbat.

The PokéDex Wrote:Flitting around in the dead of night, it sinks its fangs into its prey and drains a nearly fatal amount of blood. Its own blood type changes to that of its victim.

You've always found it fairly disturbing that Crobats come from evil bloodsucking things that can only be evolved by friendship.

Your past isn't nearly dark enough for you to become the Crobatman!


---


You are already the Hero Kanto needs.


Now you are the Hero Kanto deserves.


Following the traditions of the most ancient Champions of Kanto, you are...



Dapperman.




---
Red is now a member of the "Alf" class.
Red can now understand LotR jokes!

---


> BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE, EVER: Check another of the Teachy TV's options. Maybe they're all spooky/creepy!

> Oh, and when you get safe/indoors, maybe examine the creepy tv some more. Because it KNOWS something, man. It KNOWS.

> The TV seems to be dangercrazy, better smash it hard again to see if it returns to normal. Preferably with the same force and scowl that followed the first smashing.

> Teachy TV. Magnets. Go. Do it. Now.

> Attempt to assemble armour out of what's left over after destroying the Teachy TV.

> For the love of god getoutofthedark. Darknessisscary. Darkness comes with ZUBATS *gasp*.

> Okay, but seriously, this is all pretty worrying. Get indoors before it gets dark, and try to find people to talk to about all this disturbing corpse business.

> Hide. Find doors. Barricade them with magnets! (Or just other heavy things that you may/may not find lying around)

The Narrator Wrote:
Teachy TV Wrote:> What are status problems?

Status problems are when you lose the ability to do stuff - like when you get BURNED or POISONED or PARALYZED or when you get CONFUSED and can't think!

Or when something happens to change your status that you definitely DON'T WANT - like losing a LIMB, becoming POSSESSED, being EATEN, MAULED, CURSED or INFECTED with or by something bad.

As the POKéMON CHAMPION of Kanto, it is your JOB to try not to get a status problem. I can't show you how to do that, though! This is YOUR POKéMON JOURNEY and YOU make the decisions.



> What are type matchups?

POKéMON and HUMANS both have TYPES. Something that will affect one TYPE might not affect another TYPE.

Some TYPES are usually weak to other TYPES, like GROUND is weak to GRASS and FIRE is weak to WATER.

If a POKéMON is INFECTED or CURSED, its weaknesses may be different!
It might also gain new MOVES that can't be taught by TM!

It is up to YOU, as the POKéMON CHAMPION, to find this information and take it to someone who can use it to fix THE PROBLEM.



> I want to catch POKéMON.

I have some ADVICE for you, POKéMON TRAINERS! If you want to CATCH a POKéMON you should check its TYPE and see if it has any status problems!

POKéMON with status problems might behave differently than usual, so be careful! But you are the CHAMPION so you should have it ALL IN HAND.



The Teachy TV makes you grumpy with its strange and enigmatic behaviour, so you smash it against a tree, scowling while doing so.

It makes your moustache look less dapper, so you stop scowling.

Smashing the TV makes it turn off and the screen go blank. Which might be because the screen shattered, but hey. Results!

You reach into the back, inured to electric shocks - you survived three years with a Pikachu - and retrieve a Large Magnet and a Coil Of Copper Wire.

You put these in your Bag.


A Porygon comes out of the smashed Teachy TV screen. It makes a noise like the crackling of static on a radio and then you hear a voice that you would know anywhere.



It's Professor Oak.

"Hey! Don't go away yet! Hey! Don't go away yet! Hey! Don't go away yet!"



The Porygon's broadcasts seem to have attracted some attention. You can see a shadow in the lake, moving in your direction. The trees are rustling and you can hear a buzzing noise coming from their direction.


You run down the road into Viridian City, ignoring the "Vote for Gary" signs and the blood patches littering the remainder of Route 22.



You are really scared.




As soon as you are on the road by the little lake in Viridian City, you are grabbed by the wrist by a man with an old, leathery hand.

"Come ON!" says the Old Man as he drags you past the lake, where shadows are already heading towards you.


The buzzing noise is REALLY loud and it's coming from behind you.


He drags you into the open door of the Viridian Pokémon Center, which then shuts behind you. The Old Man and two Machamp push a large, heavy-looking Metal Bench in front of the door and then stack another one on top of it. It doesn't look like anybody is getting in or out with those there!

You quickly run around the Pokémon Center and open seven different doors, none of which lead to the outside of the building.

"The aliens abducted my granddaughter and it's all YOUR fault! What the hell were you doing on top of that Luvdiscing mountain, boy? It better have been important!"

You stare at him. You are still really confused about everything that's going on and you know that this guy is always really batty when he hasn't had his coffee but -

He sounds serious. And it sort of makes sense. You have never seen anything like this before. All the wild Pokémon disappeared or in hiding or something; people missing and a worrying corpse in the entrance to Victory Road... And that phone call from Billy.

In a really weird way, it's entirely possible that your Region has been invaded by aliens.

Your train of thought is broken by voices through the door.



"HI, Red! My brother, Gary, is out at Grandpa's Lab. Give him a call when you feel like it. He can be overly confident, but he still needs company. He says he won't have any plans on Sunday nights... Giggle!"

"Hi! Red's been away for a long time. He hasn't called either, so I have no idea where he is or what he's been doing. They say that no word is proof that he's doing fine, but I do worry about him."

"Technology is incredible! You can now trade Pokémon overseas like email."

"The Professor's Pokémon Talk radio show is aired here and in Johto as well. Professor Oak is so...cool!"



You know these people. You can't listen to it anymore. You block it out and pretend that all you can hear is the buzzing.

Ignoring the angry Old Man and his questioning, you take out the remains of your Teachy TV. The Magnet you put on the door.

You attempt to assemble some armour out of the casing of the Teachy TV. You use the cabling to tie bits of the shell on to you in strategic places, like your knees and your elbows. Then you make yourself some arm-guards for your lower arm. You are sure these will come in handy, but they don't add to your Dapper-factor.


"Heh," says the Old Man. "I used to give those out - I gave you that one, right? My grandson was the trainer on them, but he moved to Johto so we loaded them with Porygons and the show went on! Well, until last week."

His mouth shuts and he refuses to say anything more about the relationship he has to the Teachy TVs and all this disturbing corpse business, or even why whoever-it-was stopped delivering your food.

Although you could take a wild stab in the dark at that and say that it might be because whoever-it-was is dead.



> Also, can you trust any of your Pokemon? Like, at all? Because you might want to have something big and scary hovering about your tiny fleshy body just in case. Just in caaaaase.

The Narrator Wrote:You know that you can trust your Pokémon to act in their best interests. Espeon obviously knows something you don't, because he helped out - for once - by fusing the plastic pieces of your armour so that they fit you better. You don't think that you can take them off, though.

Then again, thinking about it, Espeon might just be messing with you again.

You reach up to take off your Bloody Bobby Blubber Helmet and find that you can't remove it from your head without ripping out all of your hair.



Espeon.

Oh well, at least this means that you are probably safe enough in the Pokémon Center for now! You'll set about opening all the other doors in the morning.



> EDIT:

The Narrator Wrote:You notice that the Old Man hasn't commented on your appearance. Either he's really hyped up and doesn't care enough to question it yet, he's being polite and letting you make your own life choices, or -

Could this be the previous Dapperman?
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Inventor of the Shoop smiley
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#66
> Compare moustache to Old Man's moustache.
[Image: suisdbsf.png]
By TwilightBlade of PC. =D
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#67
> Go to the Pokémon Center's PC.

> Check Bill's PC for reinforcements because Luvdisc not having a full team.

> Withdraw any Pokémon you own who are least likely to be traitorous dicks.

> Maybe cyber-stalk Bill a little.

> Check your Tumblr and resist every temptation to be there for the next eight hours.
Holmes: Punch me in the face.
Watson: Punch you?
Holmes: Yes! Punch me! In the face! Didn't you hear me?
Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.
- Sherlock, "The Scandal in Belgravia"

The girl responsible for this atrocity to mankind. And this one. And these
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#68
> Question sanity.

> Attempt to determine if you have inhaled any hallucinogenics lately.

> Eye old man suspiciously.

> If you can't get any dependable Pokemon from the PC (Espeon does not count gdi), then search the area for a weapon.

> If you do get any Pokemon, check their TYPE. Just in case.

> Scavenge for other supplies while you're at it.
Catfish
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#69
Latios eyes the Alchemiter in the corner

Uhh...

> Become one with the dapper.
> Ask old man about goings on hereabouts, wot wot.
Δ
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#70
> Compare moustache to Old Man's moustache.

The Narrator Wrote:Your moustache is obviously more dapper but you can see traces on his face that look like he has either been drinking a lot of cocoa and not washing his face - possible - or the remnants of a hastily-removed Dapper Moustache.



> Go to the Pokémon Center's PC.

The Narrator Wrote:You go to the Pokémon Center's PC. As soon as you are standing in front of it, some kind of sensor tells it to boot up.

You can see over the counter from here!


You wonder where Nurse Joy is.



> Check Bill's PC for reinforcements because Luvdisc not having a full team.

> Withdraw any Pokémon you own who are least likely to be traitorous dicks.


The Narrator Wrote:You check Bill's PC.

Box 1 is full of Porygon.
Box 2 is full of Porygon.
Box 3 is full of Porygon.
Box 4 is full of Porygon.
Box 5 is full of Porygon.
Box 6 is full of Porygon.
There is an EGG in Box 7.
All other boxes are full of Porygon.


You withdraw the EGG. After tonight's little episode, you don't think it would be wise to summon any Porygon!



The EGG has writing on it in marker pen.

Read the EGG?



> Maybe cyber-stalk Bill a little.

The Narrator Wrote:You bring up Bill's website.


Bill Wrote:On secret mission due to system error. Will bbs.


The words "secret mission" are a hyperlink.

Hovering over "system error" brings up a ToolTip.



Someone has edited Bill's wikipedia page to a Clefairy again. This joke never gets old!



> Check your Tumblr and resist every temptation to be there for the next eight hours.

The Narrator Wrote:You will check your tumblr later, right now you have to...



> Question sanity.

The Narrator Wrote:OH GOD ARE YOU INSANE WHY HAVE YOU DONE HALF THIS STUFF WOW YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A CREDIBLE WAY OF TESTING YOUR SANITY HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO SAVE THE WORLD IF YOU'RE GOING TO SUDDENLY GET DISTRACTED BY-



> Attempt to determine if you have inhaled any hallucinogenics lately.

The Narrator Wrote:You don't know how to determine whether or not you have inhaled any hallucinogenic substances recently!

You seem to remember that someone posted a handy list of hallucinogenic substances from your country and their effects somewhere on the internet! You resolve to check it out.

In the meantime, you speculate that Pokémon feces might have hallucinogenic properties. There is a really simple way to test this!

Maybe you should eat some of Espe-


How about them Ditto, eh?



> Eye old man suspiciously.

The Narrator Wrote:This Old Man, he played one, he played kn-

This Old Man couldn't be more suspicious if he was wearing a sign saying "ASK ME ABOUT POSSIBLE ALIEN INVASION" and a tinfoil hat.

Wait, he is wearing a tinfoil hat!



Maybe he lost his sign.



> If you can't get any dependable Pokemon from the PC (Espeon does not count gdi), then search the area for a weapon.

The Narrator Wrote:You search the area for a weapon.


There is a rolled up Wall Map.

There are 5x Potted Trees

There is a TV Screen

There is a Flight of Stairs

There is a Gary Bust with a Repugnant Visage.

There is some Broken Glass.

There is a Scooter.

You have a Shovel.

You are wielding a Nightstick.



> If you do get any Pokemon, check their TYPE. Just in case.

The Narrator Wrote:The EGG is ??? Type.



> Scavenge for other supplies while you're at it.

The Narrator Wrote:There is an Intravenous Foodstock Device.

There are 2x Wilting Pots of Flowers

There is a Glass Table.

There are 10x Plush Stools.

There are 2x PCs.

There is a Healing Rack.

There are 7x Moveable Metal Benches.

There is a stash of Old Guy's Stuff w/ Intravenous Coffee Machine.

There are some Pokémon League Flyers.

There is a Poster of Red.

There are 5x Nurse Uniforms.

There are 25x Other Misc. Uniforms.

There are some Sensible Undergarments.

There is a pair of Exciting Undergarments.

There is a Large Cloak.

There is a Letter.

There is a Bag.

There is a Medical Supply Cabinet.

There is a Door Mat.

There is a Global Positioning Addon.



> Become one with the dapper.

The Narrator Wrote:You are too frightened to become one with the dapper!



> Ask old man about goings on hereabouts, wot wot.

The Narrator Wrote:The Old Man is wearing Earmuffs.
[Image: tumblr_m6hd8jjbxc1qmo1ubo1_400.gif]
Inventor of the Shoop smiley
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#71
> Read EGG
> Check out "secret mission" hyperlink and "system error" ToolTip.
> Acquire Rolled up Wall Map, Scooter, Large Cloak, Global Positioning Addon, Letter, and Bag.
> Equip Large Cloak and Bag 2. Feel good about improved inventory space.
> Check Medical Supply Cabinet for items and place any you find in inventory.
Δ
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#72
> Try to combine Exciting Undergarments with Large Cloak. Then attempt to equip the Exciting Undercloak.
> Ask the old man where is sign went.
> Ask the old man about the ALIEN INVASION.
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#73
> Read EGG


The Narrator Wrote:You read the EGG. The handwriting is really quite messy but you can make it out anyway. You have seen this writing before.

The Person Who Wrote On The Egg Wrote:ThE KABUTo suIT IS tHE KEY to SUccEss


You don't see any particular reason why the message is capitalised that way.



> Check out "secret mission" hyperlink and "system error" ToolTip.

The Narrator Wrote:You click the "secret mission" hyperlink.

Secret Mission Wrote:You are an EMPEROR at the local EMPEROR FASHION SHOW, currently stuck in a room with a GARGANTUAN DRUNK PARROT who wants to eat your NEW CLOTHES! You all have SMALL COCKTAIL UMBRELLAS! What do you do?


> _

Hovering your mouse over "system error" brings up a ToolTip.

Bill Wrote:Boxes disabled due to world malfunction!

You have no idea at all what the "world malfunction" that he is talking about could possibly be.



> Acquire Rolled up Wall Map, Scooter, Large Cloak, Global Positioning Addon, Letter, and Bag.

> Equip Large Cloak and Bag 2. Feel good about improved inventory space.


The Narrator Wrote:Approaching the Rolled Up Wall Map brings you near the scooter. The Old Man, faster than you thought possible, snatches up the Wall Map and hits you in the face with it. You think it might be possible that the scooter belongs to him.


You retreat and move to the downstairs table, where you found the Large Cloak, Global Positioning Addon, Letter and Bag.


Equipping the Large Cloak and Bag 2 makes you feel good about improved inventory space!

Bag 2 is full of meteorites.

You feel somewhat overheated.


The Global Positioning Addon appears to be for your PokéGear. It looks like a sticky note with an electrical connector on it. Bringing it into close proximity with your PokéGear opens a matching port on the side of your PokéGear.


The Letter is addressed to Professor Oak.



> Check Medical Supply Cabinet for items and place any you find in inventory.

The Narrator Wrote:You put all the items from the Medical Supply Cabinet in Bag 2.



> Try to combine Exciting Undergarments with Large Cloak. Then attempt to equip the Exciting Undercloak.

The Narrator Wrote:You put on the Exciting Undergarments on top of your cloak and security guard garb.


You feel like a Right Fool.



> Ask the old man where is sign went.

The Narrator Wrote:The Old Man is wearing Earmuffs.



> Ask the old man about the ALIEN INVASION.

The Narrator Wrote:The Old Man throws a Sleeping Bag at you. And then a Wrench, a couple of Apricorns, an copy of An Annotated Pictorial Guide To Really Obscure Locations In Kanto, a Hard Rock and some Scissors.
[Image: tumblr_m6hd8jjbxc1qmo1ubo1_400.gif]
Inventor of the Shoop smiley
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#74
> Pick up all the crap the Old Man threw at you.
> Throw it all back at him.
> Attempt to communicate with him using sign language. Preferably the Dapper Signal.
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#75
> Add Global Positioning Addon to PokéGear
> Toss all but one Meteorite
> Download "secret mission" CYOA from PC onto your PokéGear
> Multi-multitask
Δ
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#76
> Check a PC and get on the internet to see if there's anything helpful from a news website or the such.

> Read letter addressed to Professor Oak.
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By TwilightBlade of PC. =D
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#77
> Play secret mission game! Input 'stab parrot with tiny umbrella' and see what happens.

> Also input 'help' just to see what commands would actually work.

> Draw a smiley face on the egg and give it a name. It will be your new friend after the old man cruelly rejected you.
Catfish
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#78
The Narrator Wrote:
Secret Mission Wrote:> Pick up all the crap the Old Man threw at you.

> Throw it all back at him.

What Old Man?



> Attempt to communicate with him using sign language. Preferably the Dapper Signal.

The Narrator Wrote:It pains you to note that you don't actually know the Dapper Signal yet. It would be really great if the Old Man was the previous Dapperman - he might be able to teach you!

And also you wouldn't mind finding the Dappermobile.





You hope it's not the scooter.



> Add Global Positioning Addon to PokéGear

The Narrator Wrote:You add the Global Positioning Addon to the PokéGear.

You now have a World Map!



> Toss all but one Meteorite

The Narrator Wrote:You are now surrounded by (20x99)x Meteorites.

Some of them are glowing faintly.

You smell sulphur.



> Download "secret mission" CYOA from PC onto your PokéGear

The Narrator Wrote:You now have two-way radio access to "Secret Mission"!



> Multi-multitask

The Narrator Wrote:Red is now multi-multitasking.



> Check a PC and get on the internet to see if there's anything helpful from a news website or the such.

The Narrator Wrote:The Pokémon Center seems to be running a firewall that blocks almost all the sites you try to look at.

You load the Celebi Network front-page and manage to read the title of the latest news post - "OH Luvdisc" - before you computer crashes.



It then reboots before your eyes without any prompting.



> Read letter addressed to Professor Oak.

The Narrator Wrote:
The Person Who Wrote The Letter Wrote:Hi Prof,
Me again!
There've been a lot of meteorites coming down around Mauville recently! I've sent a messenger with a Bag of them for you to take a look at.

There are some weird compounds in here that I haven't actually seen before, I thought you might like to have a play with them.
You know more about this than I do!

-- J.



> Play secret mission game! Input 'stab parrot with tiny umbrella' and see what happens.

The Narrator Wrote:
Secret Mission Wrote:> stab parrot with tiny umbrella

The parrot is angered! The parrot eats the Emperor nearest to you!

>_


> Also input 'help' just to see what commands would actually work.

The Narrator Wrote:
Secret Mission Wrote:>help

There is no help for you, only suffering.

IN TIME your doom will come, just as did mine.

>_



> Draw a smiley face on the egg and give it a name. It will be your new friend after the old man cruelly rejected you.

The Narrator Wrote:You decide to name your Egg after an old school-friend; Bernadette.

Bernadette is your best friend! Bernadette will always smile at you no matter what!



---

Red's Morale rose!

Bernadette's Friendship rose!

---
[Image: tumblr_m6hd8jjbxc1qmo1ubo1_400.gif]
Inventor of the Shoop smiley
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#79
> Draw more smiley faces on the egg to increase average friendship value. Hopefully it will hatch into something that won't run away.
> Update and check World Map Add-on
> Give Bernadette a last name
> Use your l33t haxxorzz skills to open the source of the secret mission CYOA and check for anything related to the author.
> If you have no l33t haxxorzz skills, go cultivate some.
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#80
> Cuddle Bernadette and whisper sweet nothings to her. Nobody understands you but her. Everyone else LEAVES. But not your dear sweet precious Bernadette.

> Attempt to dislodge the old man's earmuffs and yell at him at length about all the crazy bullshit.

> Contemplate the famous urban legend of Missing.No, the infamous Pokemon That Should Not Be.
Catfish
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