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Mountains Are My Thing

#41
> Where is that Pokémon Red you were supposed to catch a Pokémon why didn't you catch a Pokémon how could you do this to yourself GO CATCH ONE SRSLY DUDE

The Narrator Wrote:You are definitely still going to try to catch a Pokémon but now you feel really guilty about not having done it already!



> Contemplate "Vote for Gary" -signs

The Narrator Wrote:You contemplate them extremely vividly, in all their garish Gary-grinning horror.

A strong shudder runs through your body and you decide to stop contemplating them.



> Check what the weather is like

The Narrator Wrote:You can't check the weather, you have your eyes closed! You're not old enough to feel the weather in your bones yet!



> Call Professor Oak and tell him Gary smells, you must express yourself to someone!

The Narrator Wrote:You are calling Professor Oak...
...
...
...

Line unavailable.


That is rather unusual and you can't help worrying a little bit about your Mom in Pallet Town.



> Open your eyes.

The Narrator Wrote:You immediately find your eyes drawn to the source of the blood-and-motor-oil smell.

A brown-haired man in a blue security guard uniform is sitting slumped in a nook in the wall. Most of his flesh is missing and blood is oozing out of his mostly-emptied clothes. There is a nightstick lying within reach of his skeletal right hand.

In front of him and perpendicular to you is a pool of motor oil and lubricant of some kind.

Looking away from that particular horror, you see other patches of blood and a few more - though less - of motor oil and other mechanical fluids.
The shrubs are wilted and dying and the tiles are cracked and damaged in a lot of places, as though something heavy had landed on them hard.


"..."


You think there might have been a fight.



> Hunt down and locate all doors in the lobby or adjacent areas, then open them.

The Narrator Wrote:You hunt down and locate the doors to Route 26 and Route 22 and open them.

You are now standing on Route 22 to Viridian City.



Red will now open any doors he sees on Route 26 and Route 22 automatically without need for player input.




> Open eyes.

The Narrator Wrote:You open your eyes as wide as they can possibly go!

It begins to hurt, so you stop that.



> Use the Pokécenter's Alchemiter to && Pokégear with all keys, passes, vouchers, journals, cards, pads, and so forth.

The Narrator Wrote:You will never let anybody tell you about Homestuck.

Those alien bug things are way too creepy, as far as you are concerned. You think that the guy who came up with them may be a bit sick.



> Sip TEA and resolve to acquire a monocle sometime in the near future.

The Narrator Wrote:This Tea is for someone special and you intend to save it. You have hoarded it jealously for years and even then you only have enough for a few cups.

You have no idea what a monocle is, but you resolve to require one anyway.

Red has gained a level in Culture.



> Use VS SEEKER to see if you can find anybody nearby.

The Narrator Wrote:The only guy who's coming up on your VS Seeker is the latest Johto Gym Leader - the guy with the stupidly powerful Lv.54 Raticate.

You don't like to admit to yourself that you only just beat him. It was a close thing.

You curse the name of Youngster Joey and hope you never have to see him ever again.

You really don't know how or why his signal is appearing in Kanto as you know for a fact that he isn't allowed to cross the border.



> Drop-kick Raikou's empty Pokéball. Asshat.

The Narrator Wrote:You drop-kick Raikou's empty Pokéball (still smoking) over the fence.

Asshat.



> Find a bike.
> Steal it and run.


The Narrator Wrote:You will as soon as you get to Miracle Cycle!

Their bikes are prohibitively expensive anyway and even if you get caught, you can always pretend you didn't know that you have give them the voucher to take a bike.

It certainly worked out fine for you last time!



> Use PEN to draw a rather dapper moustache on your upper lip.

The Narrator Wrote:You use the Pen to draw a rather dapper moustache on your upper lip.

Red gained a level in Charisma.

Red is now a Dapper Champion.



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#42
> Wooah okay there's a dude who's all blown up and stuff that ain't cool! D: But don't stress out about this, you're officially too dapper to worry about a little thing like a gruesome corpse.

> Maaaaybe contemplate who would do such a thing though.

> Someone who has no issues using Pokemon to attack people maybe? Someone who likes hacking his dragons, maybe? HMMM?
Catfish
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#43
> Strike a pose and show off your new moustache.
> Contemplate drawing sweet 'staches on Espeon and Snorlax
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey

If this sentence is blue, then you are moving too quickly towards your screen. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP.
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#44
> Wooah okay there's a dude who's all blown up and stuff that ain't cool! D: But don't stress out about this, you're officially too dapper to worry about a little thing like a gruesome corpse.

The Narrator Wrote:You definitely think that the dude being dead is not cool, but you don't think he was blown up. It looked more like somebody ate him. Bug Bite, but worse.

You're not worried, though. You're way too dapper for that.



> Maaaaybe contemplate who would do such a thing though.

The Narrator Wrote:You have no idea who or what could possibly have done this and you really wish you didn't have to find out.

Unfortunately, it's pretty much your duty as a Dapper Champion to find out and stop whoever - or whatever - it was.



> Someone who has no issues using Pokemon to attack people maybe? Someone who likes hacking his dragons, maybe? HMMM?

The Narrator Wrote:You don't think this was Lance. Lance is more of a threaten-ominously-for-years-without-doing-much-and-get-stopped-by-children-if-he-actually-tries-anything sort of guy.

And you're fairly sure he doesn't use Bugs.



> Strike a pose and show off your new moustache.

The Narrator Wrote:You strike a pose and show off your new moustache to the world.

You feel that the world is probably pretty impressed.

Dapper As All Get Out.



> Contemplate drawing sweet 'staches on Espeon and Snorlax

The Narrator Wrote:You forget what you were thinking about and stare blankly into space.

You are at one with the Force.
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#45
> Attempt to retrieve your lost Pokéball with the force.
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey

If this sentence is blue, then you are moving too quickly towards your screen. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP.
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#46
> LOOT THE CORPSE.
Holmes: Punch me in the face.
Watson: Punch you?
Holmes: Yes! Punch me! In the face! Didn't you hear me?
Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.
- Sherlock, "The Scandal in Belgravia"

The girl responsible for this atrocity to mankind. And this one. And these
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#47
> Develop a violent case of the hiccups.
Catfish
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#48
> Equip nightstick.
> Find passable substitute for a custodian helmet and equip that too.
> Hold 'B' and head to Viridian City.
> Make sure nightstick, custodian helmet, and mustache are clearly visible at all times.
> Dapper dapper dapper dapper dapper
Δ
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#49
> Attempt to retrieve your lost Pokéball with the force.

The Narrator Wrote:You suddenly realise that - being at one with the Force - you can probably use it to levitate the Pokéball you randomly threw into a bush before and in doing so manage to lose your oneness with the Force.

You are no longer at one with the Force.



> LOOT THE CORPSE.

The Narrator Wrote:You go back into the Victory Road lobby and loot the corpse for 1x Bloody Bobby Outfit, 1x Nightstick, 1x Nugget, 1x Bloody Bobby Boots and 1x Bloody Bobby Cap.



> Develop a violent case of the hiccups.

The Narrator Wrote:You have to work really hard at this one. Cultivating a case of the hiccups is not something you're used to doing and it is almost sunset before you finally manage to develop a violent case of the hiccups.

You are certain that constant hiccuping will come in handy later and will certainly not put you in any danger.



> Equip nightstick.

The Narrator Wrote:You pick up the Nightstick. It is pretty hefty and will probably do quite a bit of damage if you manage to hit something with it.


Red's Attack rose!
Red gained Weapon Proficiency: Poles.



> Find passable substitute for a custodian helmet and equip that too.

The Narrator Wrote:You combine the Bloody Bobby Cap and your Wailmer Pail (you have one but you didn't want to admit it earlier because that might have lead to NEGATIVE STEREOTYPING) into a passable substitute for a custodian helmet.

You equip the Bloody Bobby Blubber Helmet.


Red will no longer fall unconcious from blows to the head.

Red now Frightens or Awes most Civilians by default.

Red gained a Stereotyped Caricature point.
Red's Monty Python Cochlear Implant is whispering sweet nothings in his ear.



> Hold 'B' and head to Viridian City.

The Narrator Wrote:You have no B to hold! What is this B of which you think? You sure wish you had a B.

You want the B.

You think that if you hightail it to Viridian City with no more distractions you might get there before the sun sets completely.



> Make sure nightstick, custodian helmet, and mustache are clearly visible at all times.

The Narrator Wrote:You adjust your outfit several times to make sure that your wonderous blood-covered Implements of Defence, Charisma and Destruction are clearly visible to all.

The road to Viridian City is right there.

You are on it.

You're on the road to Viridian City.

"..."

Who knows, you might meet some friends along the way!



> Dapper dapper dapper dapper dapper

The Narrator Wrote:You are so freaking dapper right now. Nothing could possibly go wrong!


Nothing at all!





Max Repel wore off!



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#50
> Find the nearest field.
> Muster up your best Julie Andrews impression.
> THE HIIIIIIILLS ARE ALIIIIIIIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIIIIIIC.
Holmes: Punch me in the face.
Watson: Punch you?
Holmes: Yes! Punch me! In the face! Didn't you hear me?
Watson: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.
- Sherlock, "The Scandal in Belgravia"

The girl responsible for this atrocity to mankind. And this one. And these
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#51
> No don't do that, musicals are boring in text form! Get your ass to the city already and start terrifying civilians!
Catfish
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#52
> Try and find a magnet to use to repel things of the night! Just make sure you have it pointed the right way. A "Max Attract" doesn't sound like a good thing.
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey

If this sentence is blue, then you are moving too quickly towards your screen. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP.
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#53
> Take the Teachy TV out of your bag, scowling of course, and throw it on the ground in frustration. Hopefully breaking it.
> Locate a suitable top hat and place it upon Espeon's head.
> Run into Viridian Forest.
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#54
> You recognize Bugsy from a close distance shortly after you enter the forest. Greet him.

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“Now my friends, I think this calls for a toast. We’re embarking on something truly great here. Be prepared for what’s coming.”

[Avatar found image at LJ] [The Black Cat's Stains: My gallery] [The Ruin Maniac: My ASB-Neo Trainer Profile]
[Nothing, Everything and Heart of the Sea (coming soon): My stories]
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#55
>Yes do it! musicals are always welcome no matter what the format!
"We dreamed of creating the world's strongest Pokémon...and we succeeded." ~ Neil Degrasse Sagan
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#56
> Don't notice that Espeon is brainwashing you to ignore all commands about musicals.
Catfish
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#57
Because Iento asked:

Queued Red actions:

- Walk to Fiore (in progress)
- Try and teach Espeon Teleport
- Walk to Vermilion City (in progress)
- Retrieve Pokéball from trees
- Keep in mind ability to cross out thoughts (in progress)
- Try and catch a Pokémon with the next Pokéball you throw
- Politely offer to be friends with next Pokémon you meet
- Refuse to trust Legendary Pokémon and their progeny (in progress)
- Tell Gary he smells
- Put on some shorts, they're comfy and easy to wear
- Worry about Mom (in progress)
- Hunt down and locate all doors in the lobby or adjacent areas, then open them (in progress)
- Sip Tea and acquire monocle
- Find bike, steal it and run
- Find culprit for Security Guard murder (in progress)
- Make sure nightstick, custodian helmet, and mustache are clearly visible at all times (in progress)
- hightail it to Viridian City with no more distractions (in progress)

Red's Status changes:

Kanto Champion
PR Nightmare
Luck-warrior
Lonesome Traveller
Asshole
Psychic Patsy
Tree-herding Sign-cowboy
Sign Tagger
Too Silly
Wearing Two Pairs Of Underwear -> Special Defence bonus
Terrifying And Awful
Door Opener
+Attack


---

Skills

Pokémon Trainer [Lv.70]
Champion [Lv.45]
Culture [Lv.1]
Vigilante [Lv.10]
Charisma [Lv.4]

---

Multiclass Skills

Dapper Champion [Lv.1]
Stereotyped Caricature [Lv.1]

---

Weapons Proficiencies:

Fishing Rods
Spades
Poles
Hats

---

MaxRepel0

---
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#58
> Find the nearest field.

The Narrator Wrote:You don't know what a field is but you resolve to find out! Your education has been sadly lacking, owing partially to the fact that you left on a Pokémon journey at the age of 11 and have not yet resumed your formal education.
Besides, it's not like you paid any attention to school before that. Schoolwork - and your attention span - have never been strong points for you. You're not exactly a wordy guy.


If someone explained to you what a field was you would probably get it pretty quickly.



> Muster up your best Julie Andrews impression.
> THE HIIIIIIILLS ARE ALIIIIIIIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIIIIIIC.
> No don't do that, musicals are boring in text form! Get your ass to the city already and start terrifying civilians!

The Narrator Wrote:You don't know who Julie Andrews is.
Luckily, the Narrator does!

These hills do not appear to be alive and they are very quiet as you hightail it down Route 22. Even though it is late in the day, usually you hear at least some Pokémon getting ready to settle down for the night, or the local Hoothoot waking up. Hell, there are usually tourists here, headed to watch the night-time Pokémon League challengers attempt to beat the Elite Four.

You are really glad you have a strong Elite Four because otherwise you might actually have to perform Champion duties! As opposed to, say, the Dapper Champion duties that you are currently engaged in carrying out. Having to battle random n00bs that somehow managed to get eight badges from somewhere would be far more tiresome and boring than standing on a mountain for five years like you have been doing instead.


---


You are beside the lake, just about to jump down the ledge to the road, when Billy calls you. You pick up and he starts talking straight away without taking a breath.

"Hey Red I'm on Route 15 and STUFF IS GOING DOWN YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT BUT YOU HAVE TO THERE'RE -"

There is a clunking noise as Billy apparently drops his device on the ground. You hear a clomping noise, like extremely loud footsteps, and then a buzz that sounds as if someone took two sheets of metal wool and ground them against each other at high speed. It hurts your airs.
On top of this comes a bloodcurdling scream that could only be from Billy.



You think Billy might be dead.





The call cuts out.




...


...


...


...


Line unavailable.



> Try and find a magnet to use to repel things of the night! Just make sure you have it pointed the right way. A "Max Attract" doesn't sound like a good thing.

The Narrator Wrote:You search frantically for a magnet to repel things of the night! You prove unable to find one.



> Take the Teachy TV out of your bag, scowling of course, and throw it on the ground in frustration. Hopefully breaking it.

The Narrator Wrote:Frustrated, you shuffle through your bag's contents - and realise that you might have a magnet after all!
You pick up your Teachy TV, scowling, and throw it on the ground - hard.

It bounces, but the case cracks a little and the light comes on a blinking yellow instead of the green that usually shows when you turn it on instead of throwing it at the ground.


Some text appears on the screen in white, with dark grey static for a background.


Teachy TV Wrote:> Teach me how to battle.
What are status problems?
What are type matchups?
I want to catch POKéMON.


You're not too sure how this is going to help you - the Teachy TV has been incredibly obstinate in the past about never teaching you anything useful - but you figure anything's worth a shot right now. People are dying! Come on, Red!


This is your duty as Champion. The title doesn't just mean that you're the strongest. It means that you are the protector of the people of Kanto, and often Johto, whether you choose to admit it or not.


And that means trying any solution, no matter how silly it might seem.

You carefully press your finger against the text that reads > Teach me how to battle.


The text disappears and for a moment all you get is darker grey static.
Then you see a cartoon version of your standard sort of Route; tree-lined, long grass on either side with a dirt path through the middle. It has the TEACHY TV logo superimposed on top of it.


A black-haired man walks out into the middle of the screen and text appears in the black text-box at the bottom of the TV.

"Hey, all you TRAINERS out there! HELLO, TRAINERS!"


There is a red arrow beside the text, indicating that you should push it to move on.



You push it.

"___ ___ ___"

You push the button again.



"Come on, let me hear you! HELLO, TRAINERS!"


This time the red button doesn't appear. You sit there for a moment, staring at the TV, and you recognise the man. It's a caricature of Trainerdom that the League calls the Poké Dude. You whisper his name and a greeting to the TV. The arrow appears and you press it.

"It's me, the POKé DUDE!"



Arrow.

"Today, the POKé DUDE's here to tell you about how you can battle POKéMON!"

You seem to remember that this is fairly standard spiel for the Teachy TV. You're about to ignore it and go back to harvesting the magnet but something compells you to push the arrow again.


"Say you're out for a stroll when, suddenly, a CORPSE appears!"

This is different. Horribly different. You press the inevitable arrow.


"It's up to YOU to smartly find the best method of alerting the LEAGUE"



Arrow.

"and CHAMPION. You also have the option of becoming a VIGILANTE and"



Arrow.

"tracking down the KILLER to bring it to JUSTICE. If you are the CHAMPION"



Arrow.

"well, things are a bit different. It's up to you to use your INTELLIGENCE"



Arrow.

"and NATIVE CUNNING to outsmart THE ENEMY and reduce their resources to"



Arrow.

"NOTHING. I can't show you how to do that, though! That is your very own"



Arrow.

"QUEST and I can't interfere for you! This will be CHARACTERBUILDING and"



Arrow.

"if you survive you will be as cool as me, the POKé DUDE!"



Arrow.

"All righty, here goes!"



You hit the final arrow and it takes you back to the selection screen.



Teachy TV Wrote:Teach me how to battle.
> What are status problems?
What are type matchups?
I want to catch POKéMON.



The Teachy TV has given you a lot to think about!



> Locate a suitable top hat and place it upon Espeon's head.

The Narrator Wrote:No time for that, you're thinking!
And it's getting closer to sunset.



> Run into Viridian Forest.

The Narrator Wrote:You're beginning to think that this might be a VERY BAD idea. It is getting close to dark and it sounds like the dark might have something to do with the killings.

Because it wasn't just one security guard that died. It wasn't even just him and Billy.

Those other red patches were people too, you are sure. You think that the Security Guard you saw must have been what was left over when the killer wasn't hungry.

And you don't even want to think about what might have been inside that Pokémon Center. You know for a fact that there were a bunch of permanent residents there.

One of the Joys had a kid there and most of the trainers were only around ten still.


You suddenly stand up and continue down the road to Viridian City.



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#59
> BECOME THE (DAPPER) BATMAN. BE THE HERO KANTO NEEDS.

> Okay, but seriously, this is all pretty worrying. Get indoors before it gets dark, and try to find people to talk to about all this disturbing corpse business.

> Also, can you trust any of your Pokemon? Like, at all? Because you might want to have something big and scary hovering about your tiny fleshy body just in case. Just in caaaaase.

> Oh, and when you get safe/indoors, maybe examine the creepy tv some more. Because it KNOWS something, man. It KNOWS.
Catfish
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#60
> The TV seems to be dangercrazy, better smash it hard again to see if it returns to normal. Preferably with the same force and scowl that followed the first smashing.
> Screw being Batman, adopt the attire of a butler and channel Alfred. DAPPERMAN AWAAAAAAAAAAY.
> Be the hero Kanto deserves :O
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