Archive for the ‘Coffee Guy Rant’ Category

The Coffee Guy’s Rants: Remakes, Get Off My Lawn

Saturday, October 25th, 2014

Cover your ears, for the famed Coffee Guy from Viridian City has a rant to share!

BY GUM, I SAY THERE’S TOO MANY OF THESE REMAKES THESE DAYS! I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY, BUT IT SEEMS WE’RE TO REVISIT THIS HOENN PLACE AGAIN! AND I FOR ONE COULD NOT BE MORE OUTRAGED ABOUT THIS! WHY ARE YOU ALL FLOCKING TO BUY THESE NEW GAMES IS BEYOND ME. WHERE IS THE APPEAL? DID EVERYONE’S GAMES BREAK AGAIN? AND WHY CAN’T WE GO CHECK OUT A NEW PLACE INSTEAD?

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The Coffee Guy’s Rants: Lazy Trainers

Sunday, April 21st, 2013

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY KETTLES MY GOLDEEN? TRAINERS THESE DAYS NOT DOING THINGS THE RIGHT WAY!

JUST LOOK AT THESE WHIPPERSNAPPERS THESE DAYS. YOU EVER SEE A GOOD OLD FASHIONED POKÉMON BATTLE DONE FOR THE SAKE OF GRINDING? YOU’LL BE LUCKY TO NOW! INSTEAD OF MAKING THEIR POKÉMON FIGHT EACH OTHER TO THE NEAR DEATH OR BEYOND FOR A FEW HUNDRED EXPERIENCE POINTS, THEY JUST SHOVE THEM INTO THE DAY CARE! THE DAY CARE! IT DOESN’T SEEM TO MATTER TO THEM THAT IT’S A RIGHT RIP OFF – THEY TAKE YOUR MONEY EVEN IF THEY DIDN’T GO UP IN LEVEL AND THEN TRY TO PALM OFF THEIR UNCOOKED BREAKFAST TO YOU! RAW EGGS ARE TERRIBLE! BUT I DIGRESS. RATHER THAN TAKE CARE OF THEIR POKÉMON THEMSELVES THEY PAY OTHERS TO DO IT FOR THEM. WHAT LAZINESS!

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The Coffee Guy’s Rants: Too Many Pokeballs

Monday, May 21st, 2012

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU HEARD ME. THERE’S TOO MANY OF THESE DARN BALLS ABOUT TODAY!

FIRSTLY, WHAT THE HECK HAS GONE WRONG WITH SOCIETY THAT YOU NEED ALL THESE KINDS OF BALLS THAT DO THE SAME DARN THING ANYWAY BUT WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT COLOUR AND A FAR HIGHER PRICE TAG? WHAT’S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD RED AND WHITE? GUESS WHAT, YOU SPEAK TO ANYONE DOWN THE STREET ABOUT POKEBALLS AND THAT’S THE FIRST THING THEY’RE GOING TO THINK OF! NOT BLUE AND WHITE, OR MEW FORBID YELLOW AND BLUE! THOSE COLOURS DON’T EVEN NORMALLY MATCH! WHY NOT KEEP IT TO WHITE, EVERYTHING GOES WITH WHITE! EVEN I GO WITH WHITE! I DON’T THINK THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT COLOUR TO GO WITH ANYMORE BUT THEY JUST USE A NEW ONE TO MAKE YOU BUY IT! YOU KNOW THAT PREMIER BALL? IT’S NO DIFFERENT TO A POKEBALL; THE DARN THING JUST HAS A DIFFERENT COLOUR AND WORKS THE SAME WAY! BUT I’M SURE IT WAS MADE TO ‘COMMEMORATE AN EVENT’ – THAT EVENT BEING THE DAY SOME BIGWIG EXECUTIVE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA TO GET PEOPLE TO BUY POKEBALLS IN BULK!

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