Kingdom Hearts- Fate through Fantasy

[Mitchman]

So I have come up with an excellent Kingdom Hearts fan fiction that I hope to get through. And yes it does involve a title based on plot. So I hope to enthrall you all with this hopefully good fan fiction. And it will definitely be as convulted and twisted s Kingdom Heart is story-wise. Its basically a what if this and this happened and its kinda like there is no KH3. You'll see!

Prologue-Death of a Hero?
Its dark. Too dark. The tower of The World that Never Was, was looming overhead and only the lights of its giant screens were illuminating the world. The destruction of Kingdom Heart created an everlasting darkness in this world for the heartless to be trapped forever. Though something has happened. They found a way to travel between it and the other worlds. How and why is not known.

That is were I, Sora, come in. Three years after our final battle against the Organization we have been living in peace with Mickey in his castle. All the worlds have found a way to be connected and everyone can be in contact with everyone. But this very night is not a happy night. The heartless have broken through our barriers and are traveling between the portals. Having come here something is not right. The heartless are all gone. The tower's screens are oddly stationary with bright lights. That is when it struck me. A shadowy figure in the corner of my eye. Could it be....a member? It couldn't possibly be that Xemnas survived, I made sure of it, I thought. Without hesitating I attacked realizing too late that this was a plan, an ambush.

After an hour or so of fighting the attacks kept on becoming stronger and stronger. Faster and faster and faster. This is where I saw that there is not one but many assailants. Thirteen to be exact. Being overpowered by the force of all 13 members, I fled hoping to escape. They were too fast though. I ran and ran until a dead end. That is where I saw it. A glimmer of light coming from a screen. In this screen I saw a faded figure. A boy roughly my age playing this game as if he were controlling me. Realizing my impending doom I tried to Communicate with this boy. At that exact moment I fell from a finishing blow. Though while they have succeeded at their plan they have not gotten what they need-me, my soul to be exact and the power to be THE keybearer, the one who could stop this all...

Author's Note- So yeah. My story part will be in a quote box centered. I will leave a comment on each part leaving a little preview on what's to come. This is my first attempt at fan fictions so I hope I did well and it is not too short or too simple vocabulary wise.

[Mitchman]

Chapter 1-A Broken Reality
God Dammit, screamed Mitch, losing for the umpteenth time in Kingdom Hearts 2 1/2. Being frustrated with the game the teen decided to take a break from playing the game. Something felt strange about this loss though. The character acted differently when he died, as if this time he was reaching out for help, crying for salvation. It was weird because this last one gave out a sense of emotion as if the two were connected. Of course though this is impossible, he thought to himself as he drank a red bull. Going back upstairs to try once again, he froze. In the corner of his eye a cloaked man passed him. With terror freezing every inch in his body Mitch stood there silently, unable to speak. After a couple of seconds he realized he cannot just stand in the middle of the hallway open for attack.
With every bone in his body shaking, and the rush of fear coursing through his veins Mitch bolted to his room without a thought. Grabbing his Wi and all, the cloaked man past his eye again. The door being shut and his room being small Mitch turned around quickly to find no one. After a few minutes calming down, he called his friend Rene to tell her what happened.
-Rene something has just happened.
-What is it Mitch?
-I have no idea. I cannot explain it clearly. I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 1/2 on my Wii and when Sora died I felt a bond with him. Like he was calling out for my help.
-That is absurd Mitch. You've been playing too long it seems.
-Yeah well it get stranger.
-Oh? How stranger can it get then you being emotional with your games?
- I drank a red bull then when going upstairs again a cloaked figure showed up in my house.
-I think all you need to do is lay off of the bull and stop gaming.
- Fine make fun of me but I tell you this felt all too real.
- Yeah, okay sure. I gotta go now so if you can call me back later.
Having hanged up the phone Mitch decided to go back and play the game out of curiosity. But what he saw was very strange. The game loaded itself like it should. But the character was laying on the ground lifeless with an empty health bar. Strange, I never heard of this glitch, Mitch thought to himself, while resetting the game multiple times.
Later that day Mitch called Rene and told her by the glitch. Intrigued by it she told him to come right away with the Wii. Upon leaving the room before he opened the door, a voice came from behind freezing him in terror for the second time in the day.
- You're correct for thinking it is a glitch in some game, but it is much more then that. You will soon find out what the game really hides, what it really means to fight for what you stand for. The real troubles and pains of being a hero.
Once this voice stopped talking to him, Mitch turned around to see no one. He shook his head and thought to himself its just silly to be making things up like this. Getting to Rene's house they discussed this odd glitch.
-Wow, Mitch this is a real oddity here. I never seen the game loading for your character to be dead and not even get a game over screen.
-I know. And what is really strange is that the game is progressing. See how the heartless hordes are shifting and moving about. Its as if the game had enough with me getting a game over and just let the character die.
-Now that is just crazy Mitch! A game is a game. Just a bunch of ones and zeros. There is no possible way the game could have emotions or be real enough to connect with our world.
- Yes I understand that but what I was told today made me think. A lot.
- What were you told Mitch? I'm not getting you at all...
Mitch explaining to Rene what he was told by the mysterious voice, got a stern answer from Rene on how his imagination wanders too far and how he needs to forget all this. And so he did. Months have passed since the events and Spring turned into summer. Spending their days on this secluded part of a beach only they knew of they decided to search for hidden treasures one day. The metal detector was beeping high and low with inaccurate readings all day until Rene's came up with such a loud screech it blew up. Digging furiously at the ground Mitch uncovered a metal shield with a Keyhole in it. This shield was not very thick but somehow
it managed to make a black space. The two friends gazed at it wondering how this could be until Mitch came up with a solution of sorts.
- Rene this keyhole. It reminds of those keyholes in the Kingdom Hearts Games.
- Your Point? I mean come on its not like you can summon giant keys and lock imaginary keyholes!
-Yes I know that, but what if this is a sign? A sign that connects with the words of the mysterious voice.
- And how do you suppose that happens Mitch? You're not in a game. This is real life. Things that cannot happen are impossible by the laws of science. Just forget this stupid shield and get over yourself!
Tossing the shield into the air the sunlight somehow penetrated the keyhole and made a giant keyhole in the sand. This keyhole then shined so brightly both friends where blinded by this powerful force. And out of nowhere with a wave of his hand Mitch summoned a keyblade to lock the keyhole. Little did he know though, that he was sealing his fate and unlocking just more then the locations of keyholes in the real world....

Author's Note- Okay yes this is getting a bit cliched. And yes i suck at writing. But I think sooner or later things will get better.

[An-chan]

Aaaaw-kay.

Mitchman, can I please ask you to reformat your story? Don't use the quote tags to separate the story. Instead, you can put your author's notes inside parentheses or something, (like this), at the end of the story. We'll get the picture from that. Also, you should bold your headers to really show that "this is my story". Also, please don't center the text, because that makes it awkward and troublesome to read. Pretty please? You'll get readers easier if you follow the almost-standard formatting rules people use, and these are just a part of it.

Second of all, your first chapter is waaaaaaay too short. Take your time to write it, and take your time to post it. It seems to me as if you've written the whole thing in the reply box, and that's not a good thing. Use something like WordPad to write your story with time and thought, so you don't feel rushed. All right? Because if you feel rushed when writing, the reader will know it. Take your time, and everything will be just fine.

Third, your punctuation is a bit off, there. You can use this writing guide (http://cyberquill.webs.com/grammaradvice.htm) I wrote to your help here. For example, this:


-What is it Mitch why did you freeze.

Should be like this:


-What is it, Mitch? Why did you freeze?

So, proofread, and pay a bit more attention to what you write, okay? Not all of it is that bad, and there are some good sentences as well, so I think you can do this just fine. Just take your time to check the text for any mistakes and go through the guide I gave you.

I believe all of us have the potential to be reasonably good writers, and I don't think you're an exception. Your idea can be a really a great one (I haven't played KH, though, so I might be a bit out), but people won't read it if the formatting, grammar, and spelling are bad. And, you know what? Those are technicalities. Mastering them isn't a big thing at all. So, yeah, take your time when writing and check the text for any mistakes, and you'll be a fine writer. You can even be a good writer; that depends on what you write.*c: Don't let technicalities bring your writing down. You can do it, Mitchman! I hope my review won't bring you down, because that really isn't the purpose.

Also, I suggest to use the whole name of the game in the story instead of just spelling "KH2" or "PS2". It makes the text flow a bit better.

[Mitchman]

Okay I took some advice and lengthened chapter 1. I do not know if it is too short or too long but this is the best I can think of. I also think I might have over done the conversations.